at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
