Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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