I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Randomize
