the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
