We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
