I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
