Please, let me fuck your mom
People with herpes should wear stickers.
my shit smells like andre
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
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