Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
