apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
