Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
