someone owes me an orgasm
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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