So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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