Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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