So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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