He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Randomize
