Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
