I think im going to throw up on grandma
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize