there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I feel like death gave me a hand job
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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