So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
