Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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