The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
