Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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