She is in my trunk
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
