so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
