what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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