he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i will never coherently bang her
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
