when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
