Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
