I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
