May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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