Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize