I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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