either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize
