i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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