Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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