Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
as a side note pls kill me
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
