how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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