I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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