I think I died a long time ago.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
this beer tastes like vomit already
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
