she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
