Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
