btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize