my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
