It's like a parade of train wrecks.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
