Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
