I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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