Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
So much rum. So many feels.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize