listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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