He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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