"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
