your room smells of hookers.
And success
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
