just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
