How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
