I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
