I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
