Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
