It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
