if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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