I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
