Small penises have feelings too.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
So much rum. So many feels.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
