I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
