is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
