Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
