"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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