Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
