i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
YAS. BRING CRAB.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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