You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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