I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
