I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
