it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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