I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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