Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize