Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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