Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
