walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
