That's when you crack a 10am beer
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
