Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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