Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Randomize
