just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
