you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
