I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
