sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i drank out of a bidet.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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