If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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