Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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