someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
