the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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